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How To Bring Up The Relationship Talk Or More Precisely Why You Should Not

May 10, 2013 |

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Letting a man bring up the talk and move the relationship to the next level is the most femininely romantic thing to do.  Allowing a man to lead is the key to a successful and happy relationship if being cherished as a woman is what you truly want. 

This article is the sequel of my article How To Play Hard To Get The Correct Way in which I addressed the first two points of playing hard to get: initiating and leading.  This piece will address the third point: moving the relationship to the next level of commitment.

A lot of women get antsy and impatient way early in the courtship phase by bringing up the (exclusivity) talk. It doesn’t matter how you phrase it, it comes across as pressuring and controlling and it’s hardly feminine.

It disrupts the courting process, it disrupts the “chase.” It’s no longer he’s chasing her now but she’s chasing him….and AWAY. It kills the romance and then they wonder why their men aren’t romantic even if they stick around.

You killed it, ladies.

By bringing the talk I don’t mean asking him a general question about what he wants in life in terms of relationship. That question can and perhaps should be asked on a first date. That’s a normal thing to do in a get-to-know-each-other phase. It’s the “where is this relationship going” kinda talk that I advise against. Or “how do you feel about me?” Or “am I good enough to be your wife?” Or “when are you going to pop the question?” or “are we exclusive?”

Eeeww….

Don’t do that. It’s awkward and it smacks lack of self-confidence. If you have to ask how he feels about you, you probably know the answer already.  He’s wishy-washy at best.  And they key is we don’t stick with wishy-washy.

Wishy-washy gets wishy-washy in return (remember, mirror him).

And if you have to ask “where is this relationship going?” you perhaps have also known that it’s going nowhere. In this case you perhaps have nothing to lose to do so but why not learn to be a feminine woman who doesn’t make herself appear foolish and presumptuous? It will work so much better for your dignity and self-esteem, I promise you.

A man who courts you makes that intention very clear with his actions. Sometimes he will also use words to back up his actions but actions should speak louder than words.

I know my boyfriend was courting me instead of just being “a hang-out buddy” when he took me out to the beach two weeks after we started seeing each other.  From then on he’d been consistently stepping up and moving the relationship forward.  There was never any doubt in my mind, hence there was never any need to bring up the talk (and of course he did too, not long afterward).

He’s doing his job, let him….

And most guys will also tell you pretty much right of the bat if they just want to date casually or don’t want a relationship with you. You really never have to ask one way or another.  There are women who keep asking even after being told repeatedly where they stood as if it needed a status update every 2 weeks or so.

You see how humiliating that is?  How pushy and desperate they sound and look like?  Do you think that will make the men want to commit more now?  Of course not.  Who wants a low-value woman to commit to?  That’s what desperation comes across to guys.  It’s simple common sense.

A guy can’t wait to tell you if things have changed or if they want you for themselves.  You don’t need to ask…ever!

If you stay firm in your feminine allure, likelihood is he might change his stance about not wanting a relationship with you because he sees how different and self-assured you are. That can be a “make-it-or-break-it” moment.

So bottom line, playing hard to get is trusting a man’s leadership on every stage of relationship. He will move the relationship forward when he’s ready, not any moment before that.

I recommend additional reading on the subject to further understand this primal drive for a man to be inspired to do what’s right.

Hard To Get: The Timeless Art Of Conquering His Heart

What About My Biological Clock?

How Long Should I Wait Till He Pops the Question?

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A man who intends to go the long haul with you will have already considered the fact that you might be at the brink of your reproductive years. If he is on the same page as you regarding raising a family, he will take action accordingly.

It is his life too.

If he appears not sure, there are better ways to approach this than asking a blatant question or giving an ultimatum unless he brings the subject first, of course. And a lot of times men do one way or another when we don’t disrupt the chase.

And mind you, you shouldn’t be exclusive with him unless he says so himself. A man understands that unless he tells you, exclusivity isn’t assumed. You should never put all your (drying) eggs in one basket and count the chickens before they hatch.

That will protect you better than bringing up “the talk.”

Hence, when you feel the speed of courtship has been too slow, don’t close off your options. There will be better suited men out there. Your “hard-to-get” stance is enough to give him the pressure without ever uttering a word of ultimatum. He intuitively knows that unless he steps up, someone else might snatch you away from him.

That’s the right way of playing hard to get. He feels manly because he doesn’t feel controlled by a woman and you have your dignity intact that will increase your value in his eyes. And the relationship will feel so much more satisfying to both of you when he leads from the start to the finish line. It will boost both of your self-esteem.

The beauty of this philosophy is even if he’s not really ready, you can still make him see how truly remarkable a woman you are!

Please share this with the buttons below and I’d like to hear your comments as well (and don’t forget to subscribe to this blog for more insight into the mind of men on the right side bar so you’ll get notified for each new post). 

Still have burning questions regarding men and relationship?  Click here and get them solved!!

6 Responses to How To Bring Up The Relationship Talk Or More Precisely Why You Should Not

  1. Pingback: The Sex Is Off the Charts But How Do I Make Him Want Me More Than Just Sex? | Katarina Phang, The Man WhispererKatarina Phang, The Man Whisperer

  2. freds (@fredrique_ariel)

    What about if he’s told you before he wants a relationship, but you said you were not sure about it? He said this to me a few weeks back and since my response – he hasn’t mentioned it again but I’VE been thinking about it. I’d like to have an actual conversation about it now. Should I still wait for him to bring it up, again? Or bring it up myself?

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      In your case, you can actually say something like, “I’m not sure if you are still interested but after processing what you said I feel I’m ready now. What do you think?” No need to keep bringing it up though, let him lead the process from then on. Good luck and keep us posted.

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