How to be feminine shouldn’t be that difficult because you are gifted with feminine radiance already as a woman. It is your conditioning and woundedness that prevents you from claiming your feminine divinity.
Not along ago Anita from Manila, the Phillipines asked me why she seemed to have a problem attracting guys. They seemed interested at first but nothing has ever come out of it or they didn’t ask her out even when they gave indications that they were attracted or said they would. So she’s been following me for almost a year now and is also an active member of one of my private groups (please add me on Facebook to be included). Just two weeks ago, she wrote this in the group: “My dearest Katarina Phang, I came to you heart-broken, bruised, crazy messed up, needing an anchor and a change in my life. You fulfilled all of those by teaching me the importance of loving myself first – through the amazing steps of leaning back, mirroring, and discovering my feminine spirit.
Through your guidance, and the support of everyone in this group, I quickly found myself starting to let go of my old aggressive, masculine energy, replacing it with someone happy, soft, confident, cool and patient. Gone was the old anxiety of needing to be in a relationship. You helped me see how emotionally unavailable I was – and how I was attracting that exact guy.
I thought Don was an EUM. It seemed logical that I would attract one, being EU myself. But after two weeks of hanging out (I guess we were dating…?) he has claimed me as his. I can’t remember exactly how he said it, but he has made it very clear that he and I are an official couple now. I was shaking, terrified, practically screaming, crying, everything. I told him who I was, I laid my horror story on the line, and he just shrugged: “Okay, so? I knew I wanted you from the day we met. When I want something, nothing stops me.”
I kept giving him a way out and he refused to take it. He was calm, rational, reasonable, and so logical, that even in my highly emotional and petrified state, I saw the sense of his words. Day by day, step by step, letting him lead and take control, set the pace…and trust him, trust myself, trust that this could be a good thing.
Don is a MAN. And I wouldn’t have been able to appreciate his masculinity had I stubbornly held fast to my old masculine habits.
It’s SO NICE to lean back, knowing and trusting that my man is masculine enough for both of us. The yin yang balance of his strong masculinity and the femininity that you have taught me creates such peace, somehow.
I wonder, Kat, if you know how effective your teachings are – imagine, after two weeks of seeing this guy, we’re now a couple (although in his book, it’s more than a month, as he knew he would get me by hook or by crook from the minute he met me – and in his words, “It’s been quite difficult to get you!”). It took me by surprise, because I had no idea that anyone could work those kinds of miracles. My faith in your teachings was amplified full force this weekend!
THANK YOU KAT!
Katarina, I just gotta say, once again – AFTER TWO WEEKS. That’s how amazing your lessons are; I was claimed after TWO WEEKS. A really good male buddy dropped by for a quick chat. He noticed that Don seems to like me more than I like him. That’s exactly how I like it, because I can lean back all I like, knowing and trusting that he’ll come chasing. It’s awesome being so feminine!
Oh and Katarina here’s another thing I learned from you – the subtle art of playing hard to get. I realized it’s not “playing” hard to get – it’s being such a prize that you are anything but easy! And yet I was soft and obliging whenever he wanted to see me…I would try to make time, even though he knew how jam-packed my schedule was (and still is, and will always be). I came across as such a prize that he claimed me…I think, honestly, because he didn’t want me dating anyone else and running the risk of some other guy winning. Otherwise, like he said, it’s status quo :).”
About the same week, Melissa a Journey Inward client, whose Goddess in-training story you can find here, told me, “Katarina, I’ve been claimed by a very masculine man. Please keep between us for now or just use my initials. Will send more details later. Poor guy. He had assumed I was his girlfriend earlier this week because we had established we’re dating. I of course assumed nothing until he plain said, ‘you’re my girlfriend.’:)”
They have only seen each other for 3 weeks!
Both of them transformed themselves from operating from their masculine energy to feminine energy. They really learn to go back in touch with their feminine essence and they get the commitment/relationship they want within weeks when they least expect it.
Marina, my most avid client wrote this during our Journey Inward group coaching (which I also highly recommend): “For the last few days, I wore mainly dresses, put make-up and felt my feminine energy. Men at work noticed the change . Then, today I was wearing a pair of pants and a shirt for the whole day and I felt my masculine energy operating in full force. It is so interesting how an outfit has a significant impact on my energy!!! After a nice long shower tonight, I put on a long flowy dress just to feel like a girl, again.
Amazingly, it has a natural relaxing and calming effect on me. I am intuitively sensing my masculine and feminine energies every moment now. I was so clueless in the past or I wasn’t awaken yet. I found myself buying more dresses now. My usual work uniforms are dress shirt, pants and jeans. That explained why I almost felt so masculine 24/7.
In the past, putting on a dress was only on a very super special occasion for me. Now, putting a dress on as an expression of being a woman in touch with her femininity. My perception of putting a dress/make-up was so distorted by my transgender father as something disgusting and unnatural. In reality, it is very natural and beautiful.
Masculine man needs to feel that feminine energy when he is with a woman. If a woman constantly dressed up in T-shirt and jean for a date, he is just not feeling her feminine energy at all. Sadly to say that I think a few of my relationships ended because the guys did not feel my feminine energy to remain attracted to me ;-(. Thanks goodness that one of my exes, M, did point it out to me in several occasions! Otherwise, I will still remain clueless!!!! Also, sharing our experiences here really shifted my perception of femininity significantly.
I found Kat a few years ago and I wasn’t even ready to hear what she was teaching. I was in my full masculine mode climbing the corporate ladder. Now I am open and ready to take in her lessons. With my ex, I was trying my best to be in my feminine mode but I felt there was a lacking from my side. After reconnecting with Kat, she gently guided me in my process of being in touch of my feminine essence. Leaning back has helped me to keep my mind sane, see my dynamic with my ex clearly, nurture myself and mitigate some other life issues.
This three months of leaning back experiment has my ex writing long emails and calling me. I just keep leaning back and mirroring him which is very unlike me. In the past, I would chase him, over-analyze and fantasize that we will work it out. Now, I just quietly observe and don’t put much thought about what he said. All are just words, noise and no action from him. In the meantime, I am discovering, experimenting and appreciating my femininity. Don’t beat yourself up just take this period of your life as your fine-tuning process!”
So how do these women exactly become more feminine?
It is in their energy. Like I said before femininity is about energy first and foremost. It is open, relaxed, accepting, accommodating, understanding, co-operative, agreeable, non-competitive, vulnerable and…SOFT.
Having said that, it’s probably hard for you to start being in touch with your feminine side if you always appear unfeminine and unwomanly. So I teach my clients to try to dress, act, walk, speak more feminine so that feeling of being a woman grows on them and activates their dormant feminine energy further.
My own journey into my femininity started with changing my wardrobe from pants, shapeless shorts to dresses almost all the time. Nowadays unless it’s very cold outside I don’t care to wear pants. It’s much more comfortable and convenient to slip in a (summer) dress too for me since I live in LA.
So here are some of the things you can do to tap into your feminine allure:
1. Wear more feminine outfits (dresses), shoes (I know flip flops are handy and comfy, choose a few pairs of girlie thong sandals with or without heels instead), jewelry (pearls are especially alluring and feminine) and soft non-overpowering perfume. Soft, sheer, silky, laced, frilly fabric is especially feminine too. Of course you can’t wear this everyday but on some more special occasions like going on a date. Red is the color that captivates a man’s imagination. Also pastel colors like beige and pink look soft and demure for more laid back occasions. Baby blue is extremely feminine too.
2. Walk in a more “runway model” style: keep your posture up right or lean back slightly even, arms hang loose and relaxed, walk in small steps in one line, gently sway your hip from side to side and your arm rhythmically sway together with your arms and the opposite legs. Keep your chin up and visualize yourself tall, elegant and pretty and everybody’s eyes are on you. Smile to people. You’ll be surprised how a little smile to strangers shift your energy inside.
3. Talk softer and in a (much) less commanding and more high-pitched or at least somewhat seductive tone (without sounding phony). If you are so prone of calling guys “dude” or swear, try to cut those out. Throw in feeling messages every now and then without getting excessive about it (“I feel a tiny bit playful today so excuse me if I act giddy and silly,” “I feel grateful that you called today,” “I feel joyful when I got your text”).
4. Smile, laugh, giggle the “womanly” way aka not in a way that rocks the whole house as if there was 6.7 Richter scale earthquake… You might not be that sheepish shy giggly girlie girls who blush every so often like one of my girlfriends in high school who not surprisingly has been happily married to our mutual friend in our class not long after we graduated (I’m not either), but you can learn to tap into that very feminine demureness some more. Their relationship is one of the most polarized ones I’ve seen. Her being very feminine and demure and him being the cherishing and leading husband who is so obviously in love with her after all these years and two grown kids together.
5. Wear some make-up. You don’t need to look like Liz Taylor 24/7, but at least pick something that you can’t walk out the apartment without. Mine is eyeliner and brows (since I don’t have much eyebrows to show). And I need to go back to do my nails (both my finger and toe nails) after months without them done.
6. Take some womanly lessons like pole/belly dancing or other dancing classes (salsa, anyone?). Enjoy a daily/weekly regimen of feminine activities like taking a bubble bath, taking special care of your body and skin with your favorite products that make you feel soft and beautiful, enjoying a glass of wine while listening to your favorite music or watching your favorite show/movies or curling up with engaging books, getting pampered (massage, spa treatments) every now and then.
7. Be open to receive. Realize that you’re worth it to receive. People love/like you more when you receive. I felt unworthy to just receive until I conditioned myself to be more in my feminine.
8. Last but not least: be more in touch with your vulnerability. During our Journey Inward’s final class, we did this metamorphosis guided meditation and affirmations in which we affirm over and over that it’s okay for us to be vulnerable; that we feel safe in our vulnerability. When I did the practice myself listening to my own voice, I got the revelation how I had been in my masculine façade all my life because I was scared and uncomfortable of being vulnerable. The masculine façade was a way for me to protect myself from hurt. Being feminine is about being soft and being soft is about being vulnerable. I remember as a child/teenager, I couldn’t even bring myself to comfort my younger sister who came confided in me about her teenaged problems. I feel pained by that imagery in my mind today. I’m feeling my vulnerability that I’m tearing up writing this.
Vulnerability, as it turns out, is not a sign of weakness but strength as a feminine woman. And the reason why I was bad at receiving was because I was bad at being vulnerable. I was afraid of “being owned” when I received.
However, vulnerability of course isn’t a license to act neurotic, insecure and needy unwarranted as many women do, unfortunately (and that’s how I get this everlasting gig as a dating/relationship coach).
So many women, on the other end of the spectrum, are so hardened that they no longer see any value in femininity. They see femininity as an invitation to abuse and mistreatment, instead of cherishing behaviors from grateful and mesmerized men. Their distrust -the way I had that distrust all my life- of male energy in everyone else but themselves is what keeps them from attracting masculine men and having a healthy relationship with them. They have to heal that in themselves.
Do you want to learn more? You won’t want to miss this new group coaching Leaning Back And Cultivating Feminine Mystique Workshop that will launch in September. If you sign up with my life-changing Journey Inward group coaching that has many women resigning up after the first cycle that has just ended recently, you will get a special gift from me (email me for details and the gift will be different from person to person according to your needs).
These two programs will make you the ultimate enchantress who seduce men without doing much anything but simply by shining in your feminine radiance and mystique.
Have you read my book yet? If not grab it here because you will learn so much about a lot of things that haven’t worked for you in your love life and how to fix them. This is the primer before delving deeper into my method. And many women have pulled their guys back from the brink through practicing the tools and principles I outline there. And you will be included in the two lively private groups I own and see how women transform themselves there to become a high-value woman.
Please share this with the buttons below and I’d like to hear your comments as well (and don’t forget to subscribe to this blog for more insight into the mind of men on the right side bar so you’ll get notified for each new post).
Image credit Deposit Photo!