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How Mirroring And Following His Lead Will Protect You From Over-Investment And Unrequited Love And Make Him Feel Romantic Toward You

April 26, 2013 |

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Katarina, your principles and tools work like a charm.  I feel like a woman in this relationship, something that is so totally new and alien to me.  A knight in shining armor truly exists.  I don’t think I can get back to the ways things were after learning all these things from you.  You truly change my life!

My client Amy is happy to report how her boyfriend really steps up now after implementing my relationship tools.  She used to be the chaser because her timeline was usually so much ahead of her love interests’ and she had too much masculine energy of taking charge to just wait around or be patient for them to initiate anything.

She didn’t realize she was leading the courtship and she was feeling shortchanged because she felt she was always the one who had to do everything.

Many women are trapped into this kind of heartbreaking situation because they don’t understand the principles at work here when it comes to having a fulfilling relationship with a masculine man.  Thanks to her masculine energy she either scared the guys off before it went any distance or ended up in a convenience relationship or a relationship with a beta male (feminine-energy guy) whose energy matched hers but neither made her happy.

She wanted what most women want: a relationship with a masculine-energy guy in which she felt loved, cherished and adored.  In other words, a relationship in which he invests as much as she does.

In the past she was always the one who invested so much because she was so eager to prove her worth by over-functioning.  The over-investment prevents her lovers from doing their part.  The more she does and gives, the more she invests and contrary to her belief, the guys didn’t love her more for that or more motivated to do the same.

She was losing her mind until she found me when she started dating her current boyfriend.  As usual, before too long she started with the “taking charge” mode because she really liked him.  And as what usually follows, he began to pull away.  She chased harder and he was pulling away further.  She googled the net with certain keywords and found my article and after emailing a few times, she purchased my book and hopped on the coaching program as well.

Nowadays, she can’t be happier in her love life.  She applied my Feminine Magnetism™ principles and her boyfriend has been stepping up consistently.  Not only she pulled him back from the brink, he is also investing in the relationship in a way that no other past boyfriend has ever done.  He leads and moves the relationship forward slowly but surely.

She wrote, “Katarina, your principles and tools work like a charm.  I feel like a woman in this relationship, something that is so totally new and alien to me.  A knight in shining armor truly exists.  I don’t think I can get back to the ways things were after learning all these things from you.  You truly change my life!”

Another thing is, her boyfriend was so used to being chased too in the past.  He was so used to doing very little.  And thanks to that he was never really invested in those women either.  She quickly remedied her situation and gave him a taste of being in the relationship in which he had to work for it.  The process made him feel like a man and connected to her as a man would with a woman he consciously chose, pursued and won over.

The secret of romance is when a guy is challenged to bring home the prize: his woman.

Take that away from him, you take out romance of the equation.  No wonder why so many women feel so uncherished.

So to summarize, here are the pointers of what you should NOT do so you don’t over-invest AND allow him to invest in you (only when a man is invested he will move the relationship forward and commit to you):

 

  1. When we like a man, we are flooded with grand visuals of how great it will be to be in a relationship with him. We think, mull and fantasize over and over and before we know it we are deep in obsessive thoughts about him…BEFORE we even know how he truly feels about us. The obsession creates emotional investment and as such we are ahead of him. We arrive before he does. Often we become needy and show signs of insecurity that repels him.  When we later find out he doesn’t really have the same agenda as us -and often it is caused by our over-eagerness-, it is hard to undo it. It’s hard to get out of that mode.  We become the piners and it’s not inspiring attraction.  
  2. Lean back and refrain from the temptation to over-function.  Spread your psychic energy so your thoughts aren’t focused on him.  The more you let your thoughts run rampage on him, the less you are able to be patient and lean back.  He has to be the one who sets the pace (sometimes, it’s the woman who feels the relationship runs too fast, but it’s a subject for a different day).  It never helps when a woman is ahead of a guy.  It almost always works better when he arrives first, that’s why observing and walks with him beside him -instead of running ahead of him with your wild imaginations and fantasy- at all times is warranted here.
  3. Don’t come with the suggestions to do things for him (take him to dates, do his laundry, etc) when he barely lifts his finger to do anything for you.  Again, mirror him.  If he’s really interested in you, he will have to do something to turn things around.  That’s what men do. When you do his work for him, what incentive is there for him to get up and move his ass?

Don’t become that woman who pines ever again. Mirroring and following his lead are the ways to protect your heart from the sad case of unrequited love so many women are suffering from.

This way you really know if a guy is truly into you or just use you because you allow him to do so.  For my coaching packages, click here.

Haven’t read my book yet?  Click here and hop on the exciting journey as hundreds other women have been doing while turning their love life around (no more neediness and insecurities because you hold the power simply by being a feminine woman).

Now, I’m going to have my 4th cycle of a 3-day teleclass on feminine energy and leaning back in June and how it actually works and why.  You won’t want to miss this hot workshop that have the first-third cycle’s participants raving about because this one principle is the secret to a man’s heart.   Subscribe to this blog or my mailing list or add me on Facebook to be in the loop for the next cycles if you can’t attend this one.

And you certainly won’t want to miss my new program Four Components Of Melting His Heart during which a participant got her formerly emotionally unavailable boyfriend to propose after only six months of dating (yup he’s so melted he pulled a George Clooney on her)!

Please share this with the buttons below and I’d like to hear your comments as well (and don’t forget to subscribe to this blog for more insight into the mind of men on the right side bar so you’ll get notified for each new post).  And write me if you want your questions answered!!

MORE: If You Learn This Truth About Men, You Will Never Have To Wonder What He’s Thinking About You Ever Again

Still have burning questions regarding men and relationship?  Click here and get them solved!!

14 Responses to How Mirroring And Following His Lead Will Protect You From Over-Investment And Unrequited Love And Make Him Feel Romantic Toward You

  1. girlie

    Kat, I’ve enjoyed your writing around the net tremendously and thought i’d see what you have to say about my situation. I’m 42 year old and he is 24 year old . (I look and act a lot younger than I am!) We work together. We have been hanging out/dating for about 3 months now. He has been a perfect gentleman, the first few times we hung out, he didn’t try anything out of line. We didn’t even kiss until about a month ago (about 2 months after we started hanging out). We cuddle and kiss on his bed and sometimes we end up falling asleep but then i’ll get up and go back to my bed (we live in trailers on site where we work). He said he hasn’t been in a relationship for a long time because most women he dates end up being crazy (one tried to stab him when he broke up with her) so therefore he said he doesn’t like to get his feelings involved. But yet he would ask me to hang out every single day after work, we would either play pool or go to the bar or go shopping or watch movies on his bed and cuddle. It was absolutely perfect. Before one of us would go on our 2 week break to go home, he would repeatedly say how much he was going to miss me. He said I am the only reason he comes back to this job, and the more time he spends with me, the more he wants to spend time with me. Our boss even told me he is so head over heels for me that he isn’t doing his job good enough because I am too distracting for him.

    So after a perfect first 3 months, now this is happening; 3 times this week he turned me down when i asked if he wanted to hang out after work, twice he was too tired (we work nights and he needs a few days to get back onto this schedule) and once he was starting to feel like he was getting sick, plus he was tired since I was in his room a long time the day before. Also on our breaks, we normally play pool or foosball or some other game but now the last 5 or 6 days, all he wants to do is watch tv. He says he’s too tired and/or lazy to play anything. He still smiles when he talks and makes eye contact a lot and comes over by me to talk and even the other day he tickled me and put his arm around me while we were working, so his interest isn’t completely gone. Maybe he IS really tired and sick, maybe i’m reading too much into things, but I still can’t help but feel like he isn’t as interested as he was just a week or two ago. Is all this time together possibly smothering him, even though he likes me? Should I continue to go with the flow and not ask him to hang out? He seems to like to be in control so I have been avoiding forcing anything, including talking. He is always the one who brings up his feelings even though he claimed he doesn’t like to deal with them, so I think i’m doing something right, i’m just scared i’m losing him now.

  2. katarina Post author

    Girlie, #1, don’t expect anything out of this “sunrise-sunset” relationship. Enjoy him and his company but he’s still growing up as a person (I know we all are, but you know what I mean). Use him to practice feminine magnetism.

    #2, most guys do want to be in control so initiate only after he shows a fair amount of consistencies, say 30-70. He needs to be in charge most of the time period.

    #3, don’t get too fixated too early, that’s a recipe for heartache. Focus your attention on positive things. You can choose your thoughts and what you focus on expands. Also keep expanding your options and don’t make him your priority because it’s a turn off for guys when you prioritize him before he does that to you.

    #4, scarcity is the mother of attraction in this case. Get busy and get scarce. Find other guys to play with.

    #5, there is no reason for fear. Fear will bring about the very thing you are scared of. Say he disappears it’s a bullet dodged. Imagine the heartache of being strung along and be another cautionary tale of unrequited love.

  3. Sparkle

    I’ve been casually dating this guy for 8 months. After a couple months dating, he told me he was emotionally unavailabe but he kept pursuing me. I enjoyed his company so I continued to date him. I have always had a fear of being direct and telling a person what I want. I have never told this guy I want a relationship but I did tell him I was staying open. A couple months ago, I told him I wanted to see him more. He invited me for a weekend get away. Great time but I noticed after that weekend he started to see me less but still stayed in contact. After a month of this, I told him that something seemed off. What did he think anout that? He said yes, I was right about that but he didn’t know what to say. That evening we talked. He told me he wanted to be independent. I told him I like him and was still interested in dating him but I was ok one way or another. He told me he like me, he was attracted to me and really appreciated me. He still wanted to date me. A couple days later, I noticed he was back on an online dating site. I was already on the site. Keeping my options open and dating other men. Well, this triggered something in me to think he no longer was interested in dating me so I sent him a message. I told him I really cared about him but I know we are on different pages so I have decided to move on. He responded and said I know. I saw you on the dating site. Please stay in touch. You are special to me. I didn’t respond. I know I have never really told him what I wanted directly. Was it a mistake to tell him I’m moving on without an explanation of what I wanted? I am trying to learn from my mistakes and would love your feedback. Thank you!

  4. katarina Post author

    Sparkle, he knows what you want, obviously! A guy doesn’t need to be told what a gal wants. Unless she tells him she doesn’t want relationship, if he likes her and she likes him, he will always assume that she eventually wants a relationship and if he’s ready and timing is right he will pursue her.

    You really don’t have to explain anything to him. And personally next time I don’t think you even need to tell him anything like “you are moving on” etc. Just move on without a word. You two were just casually dating anyway. Nobody promised the other anything.

  5. Ai

    Kat, and what if he was pursuing you, but you cut his chase off by anxiuosness or desperation?

    What do you then? Do you wait for him to step up again or you move on because you cut him off?

    Thanks! :)

  6. katarina Post author

    You mean you chase him away by your neediness? If that’s the case just lean back and give him his space till he’s ready to pursue you again. If you haven’t been too extreme and he likes you enough, he will usually bounce back.

  7. sophiaxx

    Thanks Kat for the reply!

    He is my friend, we pass more time online than in real life. (facebook etc)

    He told me first that he was feeling attracted to me. I didnt told him yeah me too.

    So after that he didnt make any move about dating, he said instead, that we can hang around like friends.

    But that didnt happend, so instead he was telling me all this changes in his life he was going to do and all was going good for him.

    What I did is I got anxious, because he was not telling me when we can meet or anything. So instead of that I become anxious and sent him an email that I was wishing him good luck with his new life and his changes he was about to make (yeah I know I am so lame an pathetic) and say good bye!

    I thought that he didnt need me because he was talking about him and only him. On how happy he was, etc. And I felt that nothing was there to me to do with him.

    Thats why I am asking you, if you think he would ever contact me again or should I just move on, etc?. although we are in facebook so it can be really hard. and how can you move on without telling him so? can he notice that you are moving on by ignoring him or how?

    I do listen to everything you said or everything you tell us to do in your post and so forth.

    I really appreciate your feedback! :)

    • katarina Post author

      Ai/Sophiaxx, Yeah, you acted desperate and needy. I think you can apologize to him. Send him a quick, short note like: “I’m sorry I acted silly. Wasn’t in the good mood.”

      Leave it at that. Next time silence is golden. If you are not happy, move on without the need to say anything. In fact you really have no “right” not to be happy since you really haven’t started anything. Focus on your fabulous life. If you don’t have one, fake it till you make it. That works better to attract a guy than saying lots of needy things.

  8. Ai

    I dont know why It chose Sophia instead of Ai, sorry.

    Yeah, I know I am pathetic!

    Yeah thats what I am trying to do, fake I have a wonderful life, I think I am getting there! lol

    Thank you so much for your reply.

    I am going to promote your page on facebook and your book and forum. Wish me luck!! hehe… ;)

  9. Pingback: Online Relationship Aka Virtual Relationship Aka Imaginary Relationship Aka A Colossal Waste Of Time | Katarina Phang, The Man Whisperer

  10. Sasha

    Kat, I was at a party with my boyfriend a few months ago and I saw a really cute guy there, he was looking at me the whole time and we had a brief conversation. Then, after my boyfriend and I broke up, he followed me on social media, and I followed him back, he gave me his number over Instagram direct message and told me to text him if I wanted. He told me he remembered me as the “hot one” from the party. We started texting back and forth and at first he was enthusiastic but then his texts got lazy, even though he complimented me often. He even asked me to send him a picture. But he hasn’t replied my last three texts and I think I scared him off by talking too much, no matter how he thinks I look. Is he still interested? What can I do to win his interest back?

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      Lean back, Sasha. And of course my book is the Bible here.:) Have you read it yet? You gotta let him lead and pursue you. You’ve been the pursuer here.

  11. Grace

    I have been dating a man for about six weeks now who has overall been respectful, romantic, and attentive. For the most part, I let him lead. Of all the dates we have been on, I have only initiated one. He prefers e-mailing and never calls. Demanding phone calls from men in the past has backfired, so I decided to let him call me when he feels comfortable.

    There are times, although rare, where he becomes legitimately busy and does not speak to me for 2 – 3 days. I have not seen him for a week because of legitimate personal obligations that have made it difficult for us to meet. He recently told me that he missed me and would let me know when he was available. I have yet to hear from him, but I know he will contact me.

    After going 2 – 3 days without speaking and I hear from him, should I respond immediately or mirror him by not speaking to him for a day or two? (Is this an example of mirroring?)

    Thank-you.

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      Hi Grace, it doesn’t have to be that way. If you feel not overinvested and have no expectation whether he responds straight or not, you can respond anytime. I’m all about energy. If you are energy is grounded and secure, you can do whatever and it will come from a genuine place. Please read my book to learn more.

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