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He Says He Wants To Take It Slow, Is That A Cop-Out For Wanting To Sleep Around?

June 2, 2013 |

Every man is a venue for you to practice, take it as a challenge to conquer yourself and thus it excites you instead of bringing you down which will translate into the energy you project. No need to feel strung along because you’re a free woman after all.  Be grateful even when he might not be the one for you, even when he says he wants to take it slow.  He’s here for A REASON.  He’s here to teach you something.  He’s here to cure you from your anxiety and insecurities, and your need to be controlling which is the very reason why you’re not happy in the first place be it in relationship or not.

 

I received this email from a fan: “What’s the difference between a women being “desperate” for a relationship and just wanting one; not willing to hang around and wait for whatever.   She can walk away simply, as time and emotional energy invested are precious.  What’s your take?  

For example, I want a relationship, not with any particular guy, but for myself, and will not just sit around put up with nonsense so I do not appear “desperate” for it.  In fact, I’m not as I’d rather move on to looking for the right guy, with whom supposedly a relationship will happen fast and easy, no need of nudging, or negotiating, its about being on the same page, wanting the same things. :)

I think many guys feel the same way, they’re not desperate but want a relationship, just has to be the right girl, I guess.  Unfortunately, they’ll still have fun with the “wrong” girls…thus wasting their time so it can be good, but just not good enough.

But yes, I do want a relationship, and there are 3 billion men in the world.  It’s ironic not to be able to find one that matches you.  Lol!!!

My guy (one I’m talking to) said this “I’m not in a hurry to get into a relationship…I’m going slow.” and he is dating, sleeping/testing new women all the time.   Since they are available.  What he is failing to admit or add, as I’m sure that will sound rude to say it to a woman you are talking/flirting (me) is this:  Not in a hurry to get into a relationship, BECAUSE I like to sleep with as many women as possible till I can’t.  

That’s exactly what men who don’t want commitment think but you will rarely if ever hear it from them. They rather say it, put it differently.  Women are so stupid… falling for this shit (not in a hurry for a relationship).  Sure!  Because you’re being used for sex.  Never ever will I ever have sex on a first or second date!” 

Here we go again.  The biggest mystery of all time.  At least for women it is.

When he says he’s not ready for a relationship, what does it mean?  If they say they want to take things slow, does it really mean that they just want to string you along until something better comes along?  And why do guys keep seeing a woman if they are not ready for relationship?   Why doesn’t he want to label the relationship?  Why would a man want relationship if he can have non-string-attached sex with many girls?  And why would any woman allow it to happen by being “cheap”?

That’s the reason why I wrote my book and judging from the response it has been getting, this really is a huge mystery and a source of major concern among women.  And the one that makes their blood boil as well.

Trust me, as a woman I do understand it.  And I have been in the same situation at least a few times and one was actually not long ago before my boyfriend found me.

Sure I understand the philosophy of not wasting time on guys who are not on the same page as you and as much as you can only focus on guys who want what you want, which means you keep moving on till you find the one (click here to figure out the secret of finding the one).

However, there is a downside with this approach.  Sooner or later you will feel disillusioned because agenda-driven dating feels like a chore and you don’t get much satisfaction in that.  You will perhaps even become jaded over this and it shows.  And the more it shows the harder it is to attract the right men.

Jadedness doesn’t feel feminine and inviting.  It reeks resentment, judgment and fear.  Nobody responds to that, especially not someone you are hoping to romantically attract.

I’m not saying that way on only focusing on guys who are ready won’t work.  I always believe there are many routes to love, even through casual dating that many women frown upon, hence I don’t agree with the charge “women are stupid to fall for ‘not in a hurry for relationship’ and keep having sex with such guy(s).”

I’m telling you why.

I wrote a great length in my book why being so agenda-driven and treating dating as a hunting ground is a LOSING STRATEGY.  I briefly mentioned above how that attitude gets you burned and jaded quickly.  The correct way, in my opinion, is to treat dating as a TRAINING GROUND to school you to become a powerful feminine woman that makes men all putty.

Every man is a venue for you to practice, take it as a challenge and thus it excites you instead of bringing you down which will translate into the energy you project.  Low energy will only attract the kind of energy of the same level.  That’s probably why you are still single or can only attract guys who can’t go the distance.

Be grateful even when he might not be the one for you.  He’s here for A REASON.  He’s here to teach you something.  He’s here to cure you from your anxiety and insecurities, and your need to be controlling which is the very reason why you’re not happy in the first place be it in relationship or not.

What about that as a basis?  So you approach every man from the place of abundance and the willingness to learn and share, instead of from the place of fear and judgment?

And believe it or not, some people who are happy being single are really not in a rush for relationship.  I was like that too when I got to really enjoy my single life and the freedom of dating a few interesting guys at the same time.  There was no desperation in me because I loved my life as it was.

Now back to the question raised here: what’s the difference of being desperate and just wanting a relationship, something that happens quickly without “nudging and negotiating”?

Some relationships do happen quickly like that the way mine did and that was when I least expected it.  When it’s right, it’s just effortless and it should be.  The beauty of it is when you don’t lead with expectations and agenda, the relaxed vibe you emit is irresistible.

I would say start with that attitude and see how things go.  You will know it in your heart when it doesn’t go anywhere.  A relationship will either deepen or flounder.  When it’s slacking, it’s time for you to consider walking away as I did with my EUM as I had a better option with another guy who wanted me for himself.

I think that’s the better and more effective way of approaching dating.  Come from a place of abundance and faith in your own irresistibility instead of fear and scarcity.

And another thing that has to go is making him the bad guy for not wanting what you want.  Everybody has the right to live their life the way they want it.  You want what you want, he wants what he wants.  Just because you two are not on the same page it doesn’t mean he’s a bad person or his feelings aren’t valid.

When I first met my boyfriend, the first thing he told me was “I don’t want a relationship.”  I wasn’t fazed by it.  In a way, I kinda expected it (hey, I wrote a book on dating an EUM after all and I wrote it for a reason).  Instead of getting all huffed out I calmly told him, “Don’t worry, I don’t want a relationship with you either.”

The next thing I knew he was courting me.  Pretty paradoxical, isn’t it?

And I was telling him the truth.  I didn’t think he was boyfriend material at first.  And even if he had been, I would have always stuck to this principle: I don’t want a relationship with a guy who doesn’t want a relationship with me.  That’s how I protect myself.

MORE: Is There A Way to Not Lose The Man You Adore Ever Again…How Do You Melt His Resisting Heart?

Have you read my book yet?  If not grab it here because you will learn so much about a lot of things that haven’t worked for you in your love life and how to fix them.  And you absolutely don’t want to miss this workshop on leaning back and cultivating feminine mystique because this is at the very center of my method and it’s why it works like magic!

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Still have burning questions regarding men and relationship?  Click here and get them solved!!

 

 

7 Responses to He Says He Wants To Take It Slow, Is That A Cop-Out For Wanting To Sleep Around?

  1. Anne

    Thanks for this article. I found you from powerfulintentions.org and I’ve been following you on facebook. I’m learning a lot and its so much relaxing when I let the new guy I’m talking to lead. I feel so much confidence and I’m not in a rush to be in a relationship with him. In fact, I want to take things slow and just enjoy getting to know each other with no expectations.

    • katarina Post author

      Anne, thank you and welcome! I’m glad I can be the source of strength and sanity for you and a lot of women. Be soft and joyful, then you will never have to convince a guy to be with you. They all want to be with you and they will convince you to be with them instead.

  2. Twinkle

    I’m just curious on your thoughts on questions I have about my recent previous relationship. I dated a man for 9 months. When we were together it was incredible and close but when we were apart, he was distant and private. This went on for the entire time we dated until I told him I was moving on. It was very difficult since I cared for him but realized I really didn’t not know anything about him -only the awesome time we had on our weekly dates. These maybe obvious amswers but It is not quite clear and maybe cause I am clouded by my feelings. My first question is why would a man not once spend the night at my place? My second question is, why would a man not ask me out on weekends? According to my ex, he told me he was dating and intimate with me only. Your feedback would be appreciative. Thank you!

    • katarina Post author

      Hi Twinkle, I’m sorry you’re going through this. Did you ask him? There are many reasons. if he doesn’t have another relationship, then obviously that’s the most he could give. He didn’t want a serious relationship. He didn’t want to include you in his life. He didn’t want to be too emotionally involved. What you should have done is to put him in your rotation while you were also dating other guys.

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