July 1, 2012 at 2:37 am #1989
Are you dating an emotionally unavailable man or a man who says it over and over that he’s not ready for anything serious? Problem is he is a charmer and gives mixed messages so that one day you realize that you are really hooked on him. And the roller coaster ride just begins for you.
I’m sure the fact that you’re reading this is because you are just so sick of being at his mercy, right? Like a druggist, you want to walk away from the very thing that hooks you but you just can’t.
You are addicted to the highs of being with him just like you are addicted to narcotics. You seek more of the same feelings even though you know it always leaves you empty and craving for more. You are so peaceful, excited and happy when you are with him but when you start overanalyzing every little thing he does or says or doesn’t do or say, you begin to feel really anxious and panicky. And as soon as you are alone, you feel this strong pang of separation anxiety like a junkie needing her fix.
Your mind wanders to him obsessively and replaying every little episode and memory you two have been sharing or wondering what he’s doing and why he hasn’t called or texted you. The more you give in to those thoughts, the lousier and more anxious you feel. You feel like losing control upon yourself -and your life.
Sounds familiar? I know how that feels as I’ve been i your shoes as well and I’m coaching many women in the same predicament as well. And my and their experiences have brought me to write the ultimate guide in dating emotionally unavailable men: He’s Really That Into You, He’s Just Not Ready.
I have learnt that at our age (over 35), the reality of dating is the pond is filled with so many emotionally unavailable men like I describe above. Many of them have just come out of acrimonious divorces and if not they are just avoidants by nature (that’s why they are single in the first place). So what is a girl to do given this scenario without getting repeatedly burned while at the same time being able to enjoy dating and create a meaningful connection with potential Mr. Right?
Of course you can always opt from the get go to avoid this kind of men at all costs. And I don’t blame you for that. However, often things are not always black and white, they are not always easily identifiable and more often than not you find yourself very attracted to one of them unexpectedly.
Don’t beat yourself over this. And if you really enjoy spending time with him because it makes you happy, you’re actually doing yourself a favor by enjoying life as it is unfolding. The problem is when you become so emotionally invested and begin to worry about the future: if he will stick around and move the relationship to the next level.
Here are the “rules” you need to heed when dating in general -and when you want to actually enjoy it:
1.Understand and ACCEPT that a large portion of guys you meet are emotionally unavailable but you are going to use these men to help you enjoy life, practice your relationship skills with men, raise your Goddess vibration (these men can be very adoring even when they don’t want a relationship with you) and eventually find the one. Use them for self-growth because they are mirrors to your inner drama queen.
2. Adjust your expectations accordingly. Untamed expectations in the beginning always ruin everything that starts so well EVEN with emotionally available guys. Your main role here is to enjoy and OBSERVE what they do, their characters and personalities.
3. See the positive of it: these guys can’t and won’t commit to you at least not in the near future but they are often fun to be with, so date a few of them and keep them in your rotation while you keep your eyes open for the right man who is ready to give you what you really want. Seeing a few of them (thrown in the mix might be emotionally available men as well but just assume everyone isn’t that available at the moment) will help you defocus from any particular one and gets too invested or more invested than he is. So you are not going to give your heart anymore than he gives his. In other words, mirror him.
4. Don’t waste time trying to change them or convince them that you’re the one for them, it will only create drama and cause them to pull away. Trust them on their words. Your goal is not to have a relationship with them -but if that happens because they find you irresistible and attach to you emotionally, then congrats, you are a true master of seduction- but to practice your feminine magnetism and emotional management. You will always find these skills VERY useful once you are in a real relationship. Just be the best version of you and enjoy the ride. It’s easier to do without the expectations.
5. Remember, that your job isn’t to make any of these men your project. You can communicate what you want but at the end of the day it’s about take it or leave it. They may not give what you want and no matter how hard you wish or try, it’s just not happening but since you are seeing a few, those needs might be fulfilled one way or another by one of the guys or another. So, the principle is you’re going to make those needs met yourself with the help of these men and if you are not happy with any of them anymore you will walk away and find another who is more of your liking. No whine. No drama.
This is an amazing practice for you that will keep you upbeat and relatively protected and with the positive attitude you radiate, sooner or later you will find the right guy who will step up to the plate because you are a master of your own emotions and you know how to use your feminine grace to attract the right man who will give his all to you.
Now, to further equip you of the understanding of how the male mind works, why they lie and often don’t communicate their true feelings, check this video below.
June 16, 2013 at 12:05 pm #1990