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I’m A Virgin and Thinking Of Having My First Sex With A Married Man

Homepage 2017 Forums The Ladies’ Lounge I’m A Virgin and Thinking Of Having My First Sex With A Married Man

This topic contains 23 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  paulif2 1 day, 8 hours ago.

  • Author
  • #2290 Reply

    Here’s an email from Sally:

    “Hi, Katarina.  I’m a virgin. My dilemma is this. This man is married. He is not in a happy marriage, and for the most part what I heard it’s sexless, but still I am not advocating he leave his wife or anything. He and I bonded a lot emotionally, and he is interested in me. I know he’d be a great for sexual exploration and with no strings attached but I just feel conflicted and exhuasted. I feel like I’ll explode if I don’t, but then I’d be a bad person if I do. I have fought this for a year now and I am tired. I just wished I could move away to a different state sooner rather than later. I don’t feel strong enough to fight it, but I don’t know if or how I’ll be “punished.” Please feel free to be honest. I know the topic of marriage is so sacred and it can generate tons of hostility towards my way. I’m just trying to follow your advice and be zen about hearing whatever you have to say. Thank you.”

    Oh, Sally!  I do understand your dilemma and I empathize with that.

    You’re in a hairy situation.  What are your values?  Please look inside yourself for an answer.  Nobody else can’t do it for you -and I can’t/won’t for ethical reasons.

    For the most part he’s mostly responsible because it is his marriage.  It is his problem if he wants to break his vow.  And perhaps it’ll only be physical between you two (and it can be extremely tempting, hot and addictive), but you can also be hurt for playing with fire.  Hope you’re aware of this.

    What’s your intention with him?  You want anything serious?  Or just a hanky-panky?  I won’t suggest having an affair with a married man, especially if you expect him to leave his family for you.  More than likely it won’t happen.  It does happen sometimes but is it worth it?  Is it worth the hassle and pain you might cause others (his family)?

    Think long and hard about it.

    If it’s just sex, can you manage not to get involved emotionally (remember, many women can’t separate between sex and emotions, they become too hormonally attached after sex)?  Considering you’re a virgin, you won’t know for sure.  I know it’s not an issue for me (having casual sex every now and then).

    That, of course, not to mention the ethical side of having sex with a married man, though I feel he’s more responsible for breaking his marital vow.  I can tell you’re conflicted about it too.

    Let me know and we dissect it further.

  • #2295 Reply


    Thank you for the reply. I plan to move by January so I don’t plan to stay long and “ruin” anything, I guess. I am not looking for anything longterm. But still. On his story he’s been married almost two years, but when he pursued me they were only 8 months in. He said that if he were not “obligated” he would have asked me out. And I hear from other sources, that she gave him an ultimatum to marry him. Regardless of their story, I still need to figure out what to do. I WANT to. I’m just trying to figure if I am strong enough to deal with the consequences. 🙁 I feel like crying till I disappear.

  • #2294 Reply

    You obviously are falling in love with him. Correct me if I’m wrong.

    This is a guy who married a woman and 8 months later flirted with you. Remember, he might do the same to you down the road. You don’t know her story, you only heard one side: his side. Do you really know the kind of man he is?

    What does he want from you? What is his plan? Have you ever asked him?

    Are you also dating other guys, you know…the ones who are actually single and have less complicated situations?

  • #2293 Reply


    Like I said, I am not looking for anything long term with him. I already thought about all of the “he might do the same to you” stuff. I’m not looking for that kind of committment anyway. Not only that, I don’t want to be in this state where I live and I already put the plan in motion to move out of here by January. I did ask him all of those questions. He said he’s feeling just as conflicted as I am. That he tries to fight it too. That he just isn’t able to articulate it but absolutely no pressure on me to do anything I don’t want to do. He actually cut off all contact with me for five months. He re-contacted me about a month ago and all of these emotions came flooding back.

    I had a huge emotional bond with him during work. It’s hard for me to spell it out on the forum, but I’ll try. We bonded through work basically. We both used to be teachers, he lost his mother, I lost my father, we basically just bonded through that. The job was in the mortgage business. I had a hard time when I had to tell customers it’s between their home or their medical bills. He was the one person to lean on when I was having trouble at work. I even broke down a few times and he’d be my ocunselor. Actually, it was known at work to go to him if we had any kind of emotional or professional trouble, so it wasn’t just me who could lean on him. He would take the flack for me many times and would even go out of his way to try to help mortgagers who were in trouble at the expense of his job, like taking out phone numbers, approving them for modifications even if they don’t qualify by the computer or everyone else. Twice he had a suicidal customer who wouldn’t speak to anyone but him over the phone. These are the reasons why I respected him, and I guess it grew to attraction. I don’t know, I am just tired. I need to pray about this a lot.

  • #2292 Reply


    You know what? I don’t think I can go through with it. It’s going to be a daily struggle, but I have to work towards a decision and that’s going to be a no. Now God help me to keep strong.

  • #2291 Reply

    I’m proud of you. I believe you can get a better man to lose your virginity to. It can be more complicated than you think it will be if you go through with it.

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