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Great Guy Pulled Away but Actions don't match words

Homepage 2017 Forums Path To Reconciliation Great Guy Pulled Away but Actions don't match words

This topic contains 12 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Brettmodia 4 days, 6 hours ago.

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  • #148581 Reply

    chrisL

    OK I have an interesting dilemma. I met a man who moved here permanently from Argentina (he’s the first Latin guy I’ve ever dated). He and I hit it off wonderfully. We had amazing sex and could talk about anything. He goes out of his way to tell me how amazing I am and even gives me specific examples. He’s 9 years younger. Suddenly last month he broke it off telling me he couldn’t give up his options of having children. I’m a bit too old and my child is half grown so I was upfront when we started dating. He also said he’s had relationships before where women were older and they never worked (even though hey, I married a guy a month older than me and that didn’t work either). So he said he wants to just be friends. We continued to talk all the time and two weeks into it he confessed he’d met a girl after he met me (we had dated once and then a month or so went by during the holidays where we didn’t get together adn he started talking to her). He told me he had met someone and started dating her because she was the right age and was also looking to have children. He admitted he felt stronger feelings for me but if he went with me that would mean giving up the opp of cultivating a relationship with a nice girl who has check marks in the right boxes. He didn’t feel right about seeing both of us, so he chose one but says he still has strong feelings for me, cares about me intensely and wants to stay friends. I was hurt but I thanked him for his honesty and would respect his decision. We stayed in communication and after a month, just the other day, he asked if he could come over and finally meet my daughter. He made a huge effort and they hit it off. He then couldn’t seem to help himself from touching me every chance he got. I mean touching my hand, holding it, touching my arm, even massaging my leg. It almost seemed like he didn’t even realize he was doing it. He then told me how he was still extremely attracted to me. While my daughter was off playing in her room, we went aside and talked. We simply snuggled on the couch, and talked and he did things like stroke my hair, arm and leg, kiss me on the cheek over and over again, held my hands and said some nice things to me. But later on he suddenly turned to me and regretted his behavior and said he was a jerk because he had a girlfriend and it wasn’t right for him to act this way with someone else. He then started to talk about the reasons he broke it off. When I responded he said I don’t want to go over this again (but he brought it up), I said OK fine, but this needs to stop. If you want to be friends, we will be friends. No more touchy feely stuff.

    He said he was tortured and please don’t rub it in. We agreed, but he left still feeling bad or angry, or not sure what–he seemed annoyed with me. I haven’t heard from him since. I like him very much, and frankly I wouldn’t mind if I had to accept just his friendship over time. He’s a wonderful person, aside from the drama, which is admittedly turning me off anyway.

    I’m wondering what to do. I am resisting the urge to contact him although it’s hard because we had been talking so often. I am also fighting the urge to argue with him about the stupid age thing. And while on the one hand he tells me he’s ambivalent about kids, I would never want to block someone from having children if they want them and wouldn’t want him to hate me later. That’s partly why my pride is not as hurt as it could be.

    I feel I have no choice but to let this guy go and move on, but when he’s with me his actions are so different than his words. I’m wondering if we have any hope at all, especially with him now having a girlfriend who he doesn’t seem crazy about but does seem to like. But I figure whatever time he doesn’t spend with me it’s likely more opportunity to connect more with her. I feel like a fool for not telling him to take a hike altogether. And yes, I’m getting out there and dating but my head is still with him. Ugh.

  • #155414 Reply

    Sheryl

    Gosh, I’m sorry to hear this. I know you posted this a while ago, but I hope the best solution came of it. It’s a tough situation, but I’d also let someone go if they wanted kids I couldn’t give them.

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  • #156052 Reply

    Gina

    So sorry to hear this, yes!
    In my experience the “pulling away” topic is a very common issue in relationships. I dedicate an entire site to this topic, check it out here. http://www.helpwithmen.com/what-men-want/why-men-pull-away/
    It seems to be over and over the same pattern why men pull out of a relationship. I hope this helps.
    Best,
    Gina

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